Some people argue that having children later in life is not fair to the child. I get that being a young mum is the ideal. But in today's corporate world, the reality is many of us don't meet or settle down with the right partner until our early 30s. Then you want some time to enjoy being a couple before you become a trio or a quad. My husband always said he imagined us being the three musketeers - one perfect little addition to complete us both. Pre-baby I considered myself plenty complete already thank you; I didn't need a child to finish my life's work. And that's how I approached our decision to try for a baby in our late 30s. If it happened that would be great. If it didn't, well no great loss as we'd just have dogs who we would love and adore just as much. People also warned us we were too old, that you need to be young to run around after them as they grow up, that my career would never recover taking time out at this stage in my life. I argued that I run around plenty fast and have more energy than many 20-somethings, and my career was something I'd spent a long time building and if it crashed and burned after only a few months away, then it wasn't worth the struggle. So we dove headlong and naively into the conception maze. Surprisingly, (and very, very luckily) we were pregnant within a few months and nine months later he arrived. And boy, having one, perfect, energiser bunny, patience testing, ball-of-fire little boy has brought a new dimension to my universe. There's something quite magical in looking into a baby's face and realising you helped make them. Their eyes, cheeks, little hands and funny baby teeth all came from you (with some help from the hubby of course). I realised that my little bubble of completeness had just popped and in its place was a squawking, mewling little bub who would steal my sleep, reject my milk, challenge my sense of self, demolish my figure and test my body's endurance to the limit. I no longer held my independence bubble up as a badge of survival and worth, instead I started to understand that for me, being a parent doesn't mean surrendering your sense of self, your superb talents, your wonderousness (not sure if that's a word but I like it!) and your independence or having to grieve over the loss of my independence. Instead I've extended the love bubble from the two of us, to three of us, and that sharing every teensy moment of joy we experience as a three, not me as a one, is the biggest promotion I've ever been given. Being a mum is the best career move I've made in years as this kind of perspective on life is priceless.

Posted 31/01/2012
by AprilMum